Breathe Honesty
by Your-hollywood-tragedyx3
Summary: The Jurgen's family has always had it's secrets, and it's ups-and downs, but what happens when one specific secret involves more then just the small group of people. What happens when it involves a community? R&R, give it a chance. Summary sucks, I know.
1. Lullaby

**Note: I have no idea where I'm going with this. So If I don't finish it and it's suddenly deleted, you'll know why. But this is after the season primere. And that's all I am going to say. **

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

Things at the Jurgen's home were rough. Between her parents and their pending divorce, and a pregnant and now married(sort of), teenager sister, Ashley Jurgens knew she was stuck. Stuck in a world with absolutely no room in it for little ol' her.

It's not that she minded it much, because a good majority of the time she didn't, but then there were times where all she wanted to do was curl up in her mother's arms, or hear her father spout off a corny joke that really wasn't all that funny. Heck, she didn't even mind if Amy was the one who was around her when need-be, just to know she was around was enough for her. But the thing is, she wasn't. And neither was anyone else.

Sighing, she fell back onto her bed and stared aimlessly at the ceiling. Her lips were chapped and the bruises she'd accumulated from hitting the bathroom wall this morning during first mod, were starting to form, and she had to desperately push back tears. Nothing good was coming out of her life right now. Nothing at all.

--

Walking down the stairs, she could vaguely hear her parents words ripping through her ears. Wincing, she did her best to block them out as she trudged miserably into the kitchen, reaching up into one of the cabinets to grab a cup. Shifting around, she made her way toward the sink, watching it fill up slowly before she took a small sip.

As the silence fell in, she quickly jammed herself into her thoughts. Anything to keep her from another breakdown. There was no doubt that her heart ached, and her head was spinning, so much that she had to grip the counter to keep from falling backward. Without warning though, she felt a hand at her lower back, helping her. As if the counter couldn't hold her small frame up and she'd just fall right through. She spun around instantly, finding a distressed red head staring down at her.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and said nothing, determined to brush past her. Sucking in a breath, she felt it hitch when the same hand as before, grabbed down at her wrist, keeping her from going any further. She halted quickly, every being in her body freezing.

"Ashley," The woman's words were soft, making her cringe. "Is everything okay?"

She rolled her eyes, wanting so badly to scoff and shout a sarcastic remark at her, but she held back, and mumbled a small 'yes,' before ripping her wrist from the grip of the older woman and heading up to her room once again.

As odd as it sounded, her room was the only place that seemed safe to her anymore. Everywhere else in her eyes, was a danger zone. School, the mall, the church she no longer attended. It all held deep, terrifying and horrible memories. Her room was her safe haven, a place where none of them could enter no matter how hard they tried. She could hold herself up in there for days and it wouldn't faze her.

Pulling out the chair to her desk, she sat down cautiously, and started up her computer. She was never one for doing homework, heck, she wasn't one for school in general, but she didn't have much else to do- so why not?

After about an hour or so of seemless typing, she gave up-erasing it all. It sucked. It all sucked. She was getting no where and that's just how it'd be. Shrugging her shoulders, she glanced back at her clock and realized it was almost ten at night. Groaning unhappily, she remembered that tomorrow was friday, and no mattered how much she despised it, she had to go to the hell hole that people referred to as school.

Oh well, at least she had the weekend, right?


	2. Sweet sins

**Note: I apologize for the delay, I've been busy fighting my way through writer's block and a lot of grammatical errors to put this chapter together. Hopefully it does some justice. Song lyrics by Meg and Dia. By the way, since I'm too lazy to put in a disclaimer, let the record state- I own nothing.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Two.**

Dinner at the infamous Jurgen's home was nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that her father refused to talk to her mother, and vice versa- making the two girls the in-between's. Pushing the food around on her plate, Ashley stared blankly. She wasn't hungry, in fact, she hadn't had much of an appetite for days now, and she wasn't sure why.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she had to have Amy poke her with her fork for her to snap up her head and look around in confusion. Licking her lips, she narrowed her eyes at Amy and opened her mouth as if to say something, then thought about it a second or two, and closed it again. What she had to say, wasn't worth getting in trouble for.

Excusing herself, she quietly headed into the kitchen to dump her plate in the sink. Ready to head to her safe haven for the night, she stopped abruptly when her parents voices filled her ears. "Amy, do you know what's going on with Ashley lately? Ever since she came home from Henry's she's been acting different. More...I don't know, quiet. Did something happen?." Anne snaps. Ashley has to stifle a scoff as she rolls her eyes sharply and continues to eavesdrop.

"No. Not at all, I mean- she seemed pretty happy when she came home. Maybe she's just tired...or sick?" Amy quipped, shrugging her shoulders. Ashley sighed soft and sad, shaking her head. It's pathetic how her mother actually had to ask her _sister_ how her own daughter was, instead of just asking her in the first place.

But what her father brought up made her freeze and fill with anger.

"She's not pregnant too, is she?" A loud, 'George,' erupted from the room by her mother as Amy hid her face, and shook her head 'no.' Unable to hear anymore, Ashley quickly disappeared and went for the stairs, feeling her eyes brim with tears. Pushing them away, she sniffled, cleared her throat, and fell onto her bed with her door slamming shut behind her.

Wrapping herself into her blanket, she let the tears fall until she managed to fall into a deep sleep.

--

From another view, sat a man, watching inside of the dark and quiet house. Cigarette smoke filled the air as it left his mouth, an evil gleam in his eye. His plan had been set into action, thanks to the quarreling family, and the lonesome young girl. The same young girl who he had many a things and ideas for, that currently swirled around in his head. Once midnight had struck, he crept from his car, toward the basement window of the house. A barking dog made him curse under his breath as he took out the crow bar he'd stashed in the back of his pocket, and broke the glass, giving him a good entry way into the small suburban house.

Careful not to get caught, he made his way past an empty bedroom and up the stairs of the house. A small night light illuminated from the hallway, as he brushed past it with ease, his destination known and in sight. Holding his breath, he pushed open the door that stared back at him, praying it didn't creek and nearly yelped in victory when he'd made it into the room without disturbance.

Shuffling toward the raven haired teenager, he scooped her up into his arms, blanket still around her and made his way out of the house, unknown to her or anyone else. With one thought in his mind, he grinned and sped off into the night, with her unconscious in the backseat of his car.

Let the games begin.


	3. Damaged

**Note: I realized I forgot the lyrics for the chapter. Ignore that then. Fair warning, graphic detail and mentions of rape are involved, as well as a **_**bit**_** of language.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; "Breathe Honesty."**

**Three.**

As her eyes fluttered open and she looked around, Ashley Jurgen's couldn't help but feel out of place. Unsure of what was happening, she found herself in a field, the bright, twinkling stars above her. Her breath quickened as she tried to stand, but found herself to be in too much pain. Moaning lightly, she bit down hard on her lip as she struggled to fight back tears. Everything hurt. Her head, her body, her heart. Even her _hair_ hurt.

Glancing down at her wrists, she found them turning black and blue, no doubt would they be covered in bruises by the morning. She could see the sun rising up over the horizon, and she realized she had to get out soon. If her parents found out she'd left the house, she'd be dead. But as she tried her hardest to move again, a thought broke in her mind.

Where exactly _was _she?

--

She was trudging along the side of the road helplessly. Her stomach turned, and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. Unable to walk any further, she fell to her knees in the grass and threw up. Pain erupted inside of her as she let out a cry of pain and a trail of hot tears made their way down her face. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she ran a hand through her hair, brushing it away from her face. A car parked beside her, and she looked up weakly in fear, and curiosity. It wasn't a car she knew, but the face that stepped out was all too familiar.

She sniffled, as he grinned evilly at her and picked her up. Slapping a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming, he threw her into the back of the car and got in beside her, flipping the locks so she couldn't get out. As her head fell back against the window with a thud, her heart sped up and her hands grew sweaty. Her mouth went dry as he got on top of her, whispering random words into her ear, that to Ashley, made absolutely no sense. His weight on top of her small frame, hurt- and was far too hard for her to fight back. Laying uselessly, she let him kiss her hard on the mouth- unable to stop him any longer. Her eyes were wet with fresh tears as he pushed his hands up her shirt, ripping it up and over her head, bra soon following.

She'd never felt more disgusting and violated in her entire life then she did at that moment. And the worst part was, she knew this man. He was the man that stood in front of their garage, smirking at them- talking to them. He was Ricky Underwood's father. A rapist. And now that's exactly what he was doing to her.

--

As he continued his actions, it felt like forever in her mind. The more she tried to yell and fight, the rougher he was. Slaps followed occasionally, but never on the face, where they could be seen- but on the places where they were able to be covered. The more this happened, the more she cried, and the more she cried, the more she was drained mentally and physically of whatever energy she'd had left.

When her pants were on a ball in the ground, she had to shut her eyes- and hold back a scream. She could feel the ripping, and the antagonizing pain that was to come. All she wanted to do was be at home, with her family, silent and grateful. Not here, where everything was so messed up.

Her body shook as he moaned into her ear, making her want to vomit all over again. She bit down hard on her lip as he finished, her arms pinned above her head. With one last swing, he collapsed onto the floor, leaving her naked and defenseless in a car with a man she barely knows. Grabbing her clothes, she was careful to put them on. Hurrying to find the lock, she propped it open and jumped out onto the highway, running- and running.

Not aware of where she was headed, she collapsed at a nearby park. One that luckily, was only about five minutes away from her house. Sniffling, she wiped at her smeared makeup, and fixed her hair- that way, if anyone had seen her, they'd think she was just taking a walk. She could feel the dried blood on her legs, and she could see it on her hands where he'd hit her with the belt. She shook her head, and rushed toward her house in record time, somehow finding any form of energy left in her legs to carry her silently up the stairs and back into her room. Her comforter was missing, but she could easily say it was getting washed, even though it wasn't.

Grabbing a fresh pair of clothes, she headed toward the bathroom in pursuit of the shower. When she found the door was locked, she started banging on it angrily, causing her mother to come out of her room, confused and groggy.

"Ashley?" She asked, yawning. "What's wrong?"

Sucking in a sharp breath, she waited a few second before replying.

"Tell Amy to get out, I need to get ready for school." She managed, her voice nothing more then a small whisper. Her mother nodded, and brushed past her, accidently hitting the raven haired girl's shoulder, and making her wince. Hissing out in pain, her mother's eyes flickered back at her.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice going from tired to concerned.

"Yes. I just...want to get ready for school." She murmured, impatiently. Her mother stared at her for a few more seconds, skeptical, but turned back to the door, telling Amy that she needed to hurry up. A small 'okay,' squeaked from the other side of the door, and Ashley watched as her mother disappeared. With her back pressed against the wall, and her clothes in front of her, she sunk to the floor- trying her hardest not to cry.

When her sister had emerged, Ashley was half asleep. Calling out her sister's name, Amy bent down, shaking the younger girl until she snapped open and jumped. When Ashley saw Amy was out of the bathroom, she stood immediately and rushed inside, giving absolutely no reply to the older girl.

Stripping down again, she left her old clothes in a pile and stepped into the hot, steaming shower. Scrubbing her body until it started bleeding again, she ignored the pain and hurried to get dressed into something fresh and clean, as opposed to the items she was previously in. Running a brush through her straight hair, she applied a light amount of makeup, not really in the mood to put anything like she'd normally wear, on.

Grabbing her text books and her bag, she headed for the kitchen, an awkward silence falling over the family as she entered the room. Gripping at the books tighter, she could practically feel her knuckles turning white.

She could see her mother wanting to say something, but had obviously decided against it because she shut her mouth within a few seconds, and then opened it again. "Want pancakes?"

"I..." Pausing, Ashley stared down at them. She could practically feel it already coming up, and she quickly shook her head. "I'm not hungry. Can we go? I have to do this project..thing." She stuttered. Ashley Jurgen's never stuttered. That was left for her older sister when she lied about something.

But this was not just a lie to get out of eating, it was a lie to get out of her house, and away from the accusing stares that she now faced from her parents and her pregnant 15 year old sister. Anne nodded her head, glancing at her eldest daughter with confusion. Did she happen to know something about Ashley that she wasn't tell her?

Or was it just her imagination?

--

Cutting the engine, Anne watched her daughter sit in the passenger seat for awhile before finally deciding to speak up. "Can you unlock the car?" She asked, her voice surprisingly polite and cooperative for once.

Licking her lips, Anne clicked the button, but then hit it again- causing Ashley to give her a hard glare. "What the hell?" She hissed, getting a warning look from her mother. Anne sighed unhappily, and shook her head.

"Ashley, is something bothering you?" She asked, in the sweetest voice she could.

Ashley had to swallow back the lump in her throat, and push back tears as she gripped the handle of the car door and choked out a forced, 'no.' Slamming her hand on the dashboard, she quickly snapped at her mother to unlock the door, waiting impatiently as she did. Jumping from the car, she slammed the door, and headed into the building with Amy hot on her tail.

Oh the joys of being a freshmen, with a pregnant sister.

--

"What was that about?" The brunette asked, her voice surprised.

"Nothing, go bother Milli and Vanilli." She quipped, her voice low and cold. Amy sighed, and disappeared quickly, watching as her sister took the steps two at a time, before she was out of sight completely.

So much for trying to help.

--

She hadn't been paying attention lately, and walking through the hallways of Grant high with her head in the clouds, isn't always a good thing. Especially if it's Ashley Jurgen's. Colliding with another student, she flew backwards, her books hitting the ground with a thud. Groaning, she stared up at the ceiling and groaned in annoyance before she sat up, rubbing the back of her head.

Her eyes widened as she looked at who she'd collided with. It was none other then Adrianne Lee, and she didn't look very thrilled.

Lovely.

--

"Sorry." She choked out, handing the Latina girl her books, before grabbing her own and standing to her feet. Adrianne groaned and stood to her feet, brushing off her jeans.

"It's fine. Whatever. You're...Ashley, right? Amy's sister?"

This was a change, she thought silently. A girl she barely knew, and often referred to as the school slut, was being semi- nice to her. Why? And then it hit her, she must want something.

"Yes. Look, I'm sorry I hit you or whatever, but I really have to get to class or Meyer's is gonna kill me." She stammered, attempting to brush past her. Unsuccessful, a hand grabbed at her arm lightly, keeping her from going any further. Whipping around, Ashley stared at her blankly.

"Please, Meyer's won't do anything. I had him last year." She added, scoffing. "C'mon, you look like you want to be anywhere but here."

And the truth was, for Ashley Jurgen's, she _did_.

--

She's sitting in the passenger seat of a red convertible, skipping class, with someone she barely knows. A girl who is screwing the guy who got her sister pregnant. She should hate her, but at the same time- she can't. Because in all honesty, she had a lot of guts. And whether she wanted to admit it or not, she saw a lot of her self in the older girl.

It still didn't keep her from asking the question though, that had been in the back of her mind since she'd bumped into her. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Oh honey, I'm not nice to _anyone_."

"Okay...then, why am I here?"

"Because, you wanted to get out. And I wasn't about to skip alone."

Nodding her head, Ashley stared out the window tiredly. That, as plain of an answer as it was, was enough for her. Now she just had to wait for everything else to unfold.


	4. Don't cry

**Note: Sorry for the delay, I've been sick, and school currently hates me(surprise). Keep reviewing, they make me happy. More Adrianne/Ashley scenes coming up, and a glimpse as to why they act the way they do-other then just family issues. Maybe Adrianne understands Ashley better then anyone thinks and knows.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Four.**

_'Because you wanted to get out, and I wasn't about to skip alone.'_

The words echoed through her head, ringing throughout her ears. The only sound that filled the car, other then the music, the whipping trees that they'd passed on the way to the unknown land as she was referring to momentarily, was the sound of the soft music playing from the radio. She liked the answer, but at the same time- didn't. She actually contemplated on if it was _too_ honest for her liking. She could honestly say though, that if she was in Adrianne's position, she'd probably say the same.

A fresh set of words fell from the older girl's mouth, ripping Ashley from her thoughts as she looked at her blankly, blinking a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "We're here." Looking around, she was definitely surprised. It wasn't a place she'd expect Adrianne to have brought her. Standing in front of them, was a tall building, with planted trees and flowers surrounding them, and a sign on the door that said, 'Chow's Coffee House and lounge.'

Stepping onto the pavement, Ashley glanced over at Adrianne, who was already headed in the doors. Following behind her, the two sat down at a table in the back, looking blankly at menu's before Ashley spoke up.

"I uhm...I don't...have any money, with me." She mumbled quietly, her voice still raw from the car incident with her mother this morning. Adrianne looked up at her and shrugged her shoulders. For her, money was not a problem. In fact, not many things were a problem for her. She normally just had it all handed to her and was told not to screw up. But now with her father in the picture, it was different. She still had a few things stay the same, but everything else was completely different.

"It's fine. So, what do you want?" She asked sharply, her tone bordering on annoyance. Ashley swallowed the lump in her throat, as well as the intimidation(not that she'd ever tell that to a girl like Adrianne Lee). Glancing down at the menu, Ashley picked the first thing she saw.

Hot coffee.

She didn't even _drink_ coffee. But for her, it didn't really matter. Letting the other girl know, she handed the waitress her menu, and went back to thinking. Something, she was beginning to get lost in more frequently these days.

--

"So, what made you say yes, to skipping class with me?" The Latina girl asked, once their drinks had come. Ashley sighed, trying not to cry, but at the same time- trying not to remain silent for too long, knowing she'd probably get pestered with questions soon. Which is something she _really_ didn't want.

"I uh...don't really know." She paused, taking a sip of the ever so foul tasting coffee. How did people drink this stuff? It was disgusting! Taking in another breath, she opened her mouth-the words falling out before she even had a chance to think about them, better yet, take them back. "I just needed to get out."

With a quirked eyebrow, Adrianne Lee nodded her head in understanding. She too, often had the need to get away feeling the was currently plaguing the black haired girl sitting across from her. She knew it all too well. But what puzzled her, is the reason Ashley felt like needing to leave. What could she possibly be running from?

--

"What exactly do you need to get away from?" The girl asked, her voice surprisingly soft and concerned. Ashley sighed, defeated. This was the exact question she tried to avoid. Sensing her discomfort, Adrianne immediately changed the subject. If there was one thing she didn't want, was to deal with a complete sap. She already had enough of those in her life.

"Never mind." She stated quickly, shaking her head. Ashley looked up at her, and nodded. She could feel herself growing tired again, the coffee wearing off quickly. As they made their way toward the car, Ashley could've sworn she saw him out of the corner of her eyes. Hissing sharply, she felt her eyes fill with tears. Adrianne looked up in shock, staring into the eyes of a girl she barely knew, and it was almost as if she could see right through her. Every little detail was practically written on her face, and all the pain Ashley had ever felt was in her eyes at that very moment.

Deciding to be nice, she walked toward her and held out her hand to rest on the young girl's shoulder, only for her to flinch and shrug it off. Putting her hands up in defense, she backed away, and headed for the driver's side of the car, sliding in and waiting in confusion as Ashley slid into the passenger's seat.

What the _hell _just happened?

--

She knew when the red convertible she'd been sitting in, had pulled into her driveway-that she'd be in for a earful. Sighing, she looked over at Adrianne and weakly thanked her for taking her out-despite the fact she'd be grounded forever. But right now, that sounded better then having to go around in fear of her life.

Walking up to the front door, a million and one things rushed back to her. The night she came home, the pain, the crying, the screaming. Everything. With her hand on the door knob, she instantly drew it back, and took off toward the car again- jumping back into the passenger seat.

"Drive." She hissed, her voice bordering on shouting. Adrianne, stunned for a few seconds, pulled herself together and stomped on the pedal. Ashley Jurgen's _so_ owed her an explanation now.

--

"What the hell was that about?" The 16 year old asked frantically, as she pulled into now her own driveway, with the black haired girl still beside her. Ashley had to fight to get her breathing under control as everything ran through her. Clutching and un clutching her fists together, she bit down hard on her lip, instantly wiping the few strays tears that fell. Once Adrianne had saw her like this, she calmed down a bit- taking in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, and letting it back out.

Little did she know, she was about to be in for the shock of her life.


	5. Broken

**Note: Thanks for reviewing! Keep it up. This chapter's short, and pretty boring- but It's also just a filler for other, dramatic things to come.  
**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Five.**

The calmness that fell over the house was refreshing. Over at the Jurgen's it was always noisy, but here- in the Lee house, it was a completely different story. Sitting down on the couch, Ashley ran an uncomfortable, shaky hand through her hair. This was honestly the last place she'd expect to be, and the last person she'd expect to be talking to.

"The other night, I uhm..." She paused, sniffling. "I was t-take-taken from my room." With widened eyes, sat the Latina girl. The raven haired girl's voice was so soft, it was barely audible, and Adrianne actually had to strain to hear her at times. Speaking up, Adrianne managed to choke out a few words as she tried to wrap this around her head.

"Wh-Who took you?" She stuttered, her voice sounding not of her own.

"I...I can't tell you." Ashley whispered, her voice tears fell down her face as she wiped furiously at her eyes. This was killing her, and Adrianne could definitely see that- without even having to utter a single word. "I was asleep and when I woke up, I was wrapped in my blanket, and in the middle of a field. I didn't know where I was, or what was going on. I just remember thinking I had to get out and get home before my parents woke up."

She paused again, shaking her head. Burying her face in her hands, the older girl watched as the younger one's shoulders shook violently, small sobs escaping her. Sighing sadly, she couldn't help but wipe a few tears away of her own. How could a girl so young, go through so much? She couldn't fathom it.

"I started walking, but hoping I was going in the right direction-and then I ended up falling to the side of the road because I ached so bad. I couldn't move anymore, and then a car showed up-an-and he-he got out and-pu-put me inside." Adrianne had to hold back a gasp as she sucked in a sharp breath and handed the small girl a tissue.

"Did he do something to you?" Adrianne uttered, her voice full of fear. Ashley couldn't answer, she was too busy trying to compose herself again. "If he did, you have to tell me. You have to tell me what he did."

Wringing her hands together, Ashley Jurgen's had to literally fight not to get up and run off. It's what she wanted to do right now. Get up and run as far away as possible so that she could get away from everything that plagued her and this life she lived now would just fade away. But she knew, no matter how far she ran that it'd never be far enough.

"Ashley, what did he do?" She hissed, her voice more forceful then intended. Ashley cringed, and without warning spit out the words, her mouth instantly flying over her head once she realized what had happened.

"He raped me!"

--

When she gets home, she's composed, but still can't help but shake occasionally. Sniffling, she licked her lips and headed into the kitchen where her mother sat, looking displeased. Dropping her bag to the floor, she ignored her completely and went toward the cabinet, pulling out a cup and filling it with water. Once she'd taken a sip, she turned around and faced her mother.

"I know." She choked out, her voice soft. Anne stared at her in surprise and confusion, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Know what?" She asked plainly, shrugging her shoulders.

"I know you're aware I skipped, therefore I voluntarily ground myself for two weeks if it'll keep you from yelling." Her voice was filled with exsaustion, and Anne for a moment had to blink in a few times in order to understand what her youngest daughter was saying.

"No...No that's not necessary." She added, pointing toward the chair. With a frustrated sigh, Ashley fell down into the seat, waiting for her mother to continue. "I mean, you don't have to ground yourself. All I want to know is why you skipped again? I thought you learned last time."

Ashley stared blankly, shrugging her shoulders. "I want to go to bed." She managed, her voice distant.

Standing up, she didn't even give her mother any time to reply, she just grabbed her water and books and headed to her room leaving Anne to ask one single question. What's going on with her daughter?

--

Her body aches as she stands in the shower, clothes soaking wet and sticking to her body, blood pouring from her fists where she beat against the wall. Her tears mixed in with the water surrounding her, and she can't help but throw her hand over her mouth to hold back a scream. Everything hits her at once and she collapses to her knees, a loud thud echoing the house.

Footsteps are heard from a distance, racing faster and faster until hands, hands that are not hers are pounding on the door. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she winces as voices enter from the other side. "Ashley! Ashley, what's going on? Are you okay?"

She laughs sickeningly as she tries to process the question in her mind. Is she okay? She takes in a breath, but remains silent, while she stares up at the ceiling of the shower. Her back is against the floor and the water is pounding against her face, but she's too out of it to care. The questions pour in again, and she finally shouts back an answer after a long time of silence.

"I-I'm fine."

And even though she isn't, she lies. Because lying, like everything else in her life these days, is just becoming so much easier to do. Whether she wants to or not.


	6. Breathe me

**Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed this! And to one person in particular who's been my muse, and number one reviewer throughout this whole thing, Britt-Britt. Thank you lovie, you always know what to say to make me happy. :)**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Six.**

She knew she'd have a price to pay for that stint in the shower. Emerging, fully clothed and looking as normal as possible, Ashley Jurgens waited silently, watching her mother glance uncomfortably to her sister, and vice versa.

Pushing past them, she tries to go to her room- but it automatically stopped by the hand on her arm. She flinches, like she'd done earlier with Adrianne, and sucks in a breath. Turning sharply on her heel, a head of black hair whips around until you can finally see the young girl's face. "I'm fine. Can you let go now? I have homework." She quips, giving a small smile to try and convince the red headed woman and seemingly pregnant girl.

Staring at her daughter skeptically, Anne lets out a breath and nods her head reluctantly, watching as her daughter slides off into her room, the door shutting behind her. She can hear the faint sound of a lock as she disappears down the hall, with Amy at her side.

"I don't know why she's acting like this," She states sadly, her voice evident with exhaustion. "But I don't like it."

Amy sighs defeated, and licks her lips. "I don't either."

--

She's tired the next morning when she has to rush around for school. She's late, and she knows it. She also knows she'll not only get an earful from her mother, but from her teacher as well. Sprinting down the steps, she makes it to the kitchen in record time, her chest heaving as she stares at her mother, watching her surprised expression.

"Let's go." The raven haired girl hisses dryly, "I'm late."

--

This morning, when she gets out of the car, she's surprised her mother doesn't try and stop her again, like she had the last time. She heads down the hallways quietly, stopping at her locker to retrieve books. Letting out a breath, she watches as Adrianne heads towards her, giving her a small smile. Ashley sighs, not really wanting to deal with her, but knows she has to, despite it.

"Hi." The young girl whispers, her voice sturdier and stronger then before.

"How are you?" Are the first words that fall from the older girl's mouth.

"I-I'm fine." She stutters, cursing lightly for it.

"Tell me that without stuttering and I'll believe you." Adrianne adds, laughing. Ashley chuckles softly, and shrugs her shoulders.

"Well, you know my secret. I'm surprised you haven't told Ricky yet." She pauses, after the words fall from her mouth, and then Latina girl's expression changes, does she notice what she's said. Freezing, she thinks back to the conversation, and how she kept telling Adrianne how she couldn't tell who it was that raped her. And now she pretty much just gave her the answer.

"Ricky?" She asks, almost in disbelief. "What would Ricky have to do with..." She stops and tenses up.

"Please." The younger girl whispers, her voice bordering on desperation. "Don't...Don't tell him. Or-Or anyone."

"Did Ricky's father do this to you?" Adrianne hisses lowly, waiting impatiently on an answer. She completely ignores the younger girl's previous statement and asks again. "Did he?"

With tears falling from her dark eyes, she sucks in a breath and clutches her fists together, slowly nodding her head.

Adrianne stares at her blankly, trying not to cry as well. Anger pours within her and she's not even sure why. A girl she barely knows is telling her she's raped by her sort-of-not-really-boyfriend's father, and she's being nice. She shouldn't be, she never is to anyone else, yet she can't help but feel attached to Ashley in some way. Shaking herself from her thoughts, she backs away slowly, putting her hands up in a defense mode before she completely turns around and walks away.

She has to do something, and even though it takes her a few seconds to realize what that something is, she does it anyway- because she's Adrianne Lee, and she doesn't care what anyone says or thinks.

--

She drops her books to the floor, hard, listening as they make a thud against the cold tile. She sucks in a breath, and then another, putting a hand to her chest in an attempt to ease the pain. Her eyes are pouring with tears, and she licks her lips before finally buying her face in her hands. Her knees give out and she sinks to the floor, hating herself for being so weak. She cannot believe she let her in. And now the whole school was going to know, _he_ was going to know- most importantly, and that meant coming after her again.

Why did there have to be a relation between the two? Why did Ricky have to be related to a man like _him_, Bobby Underwood. Just thinking his name made her stomach turn, and it wasn't long before she was crouched at a toilet. Standing on shaky legs, she opens the door and is face to face with the last person she'd _ever_ expect to see.

Kathleen Bowmen.


	7. Dying

**Note: I officially love Van off of Reba. He's fucking hilarious. Any-who, keep reviewing because it makes me sincerely happy, especially since i've been sick for like-ever. This chapter blows ass, but I wanted to update- I should be able to post again tomorrow. So, for now. Enjoy.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Seven.**

Her chest heaves as she sits in the chair, shifting every few seconds into an even more uncomfortable position. Her heart pounds hard, and she has to fight to hold back fresh tears. The blond woman in front of her waits patiently, hands folded across her desk.

She sucks in a breath and holds it for a few seconds, then stands to her feet, books grasped tightly to her chest. "I have to go." The young girl manages to squeak out, her voice bordering on cracking. Kathleen sighs sadly, and Ashley shudders, remembering the exact same sound coming from Adrianne not too long ago, after she'd heard it was Ricky's father.

She had to bite down hard on her lip as she suppress a frustrated scream, nearly drawing blood. Kathleen stares at her, calm, with a hint of motherly concern- something her own mother cannot even must, yet-when she does, it's only because Ashley's at her worst.

She sits back down without even realizing, and before she can even take in another breath, she's breaking down and sobbing to the blond in front of her. Someone she doesn't even know, almost like how it was with Adrianne. Only this time, she's not just crying from pain, but from hatred, and fear. She knows this woman once had a past with her father, and it almost drives her to the point where she brings it up again, but then she stops. Licking her lips, Ashley squeezes her eyes shut tightly. When she opens them again, her head has shifted sideways and she's staring at a random painting.

Who knew a mother, and a PTA officer would be the one adult she comes to?

--

Her heart is breaking as she stares at the young girl in front of her. She tries desperately to keep herself together. She can only remind herself of her own daughter, her breath hitching in her throat. Her own daughter could've been the one she found in the bathroom, puking up her stomach, and bawling her eyes out- but no, it's her ex husband's daughter.

--

She stands up again, makes her way to the door, and sets her hand on the knob, twisting it slowly. A part of her wants to leave and forget this 'meeting,' ever happened, but another keeps her where she is, trying desperately not to freak out again. She'd just managed to calm herself down, and now-- she stops, turns back to the blond for the numerous time and finally opens her mouth to speak.

"Please," She whispers. "Don't mention this to my dad."

And the blond nods, because it's all she can do.

--

She stomps into her house, chewing nervously on her lips as she absentmindedly trudges into her kitchen. Her mother is standing there in confusion, but the raven haired girl is too out of it to notice. She sets her books on the table, and falls into a chair, head in hands. It's when her mother calls out her name that she realizes she's been there the whole time.

"I..." She pauses, like she's done many times before.

"Yes?" The red headed woman says, expectant and hopeful.

Ashley stares at her silently, her head aching. She wants to hold herself together, but she cannot promise herself that. She cannot promise herself anything anymore. And she hates it. She can't promise, trust, hold, keep, help, save, anything of that sort.

She hurts like she never has before. And she can't help it. She wants it to disappear but knows it won't.

She's just Ashley Jurgen's, a girl who's trapped in a world that's no longer her own.


	8. Come home

**Note: I'm sorry for the small delay, I was pretty sick last night, plus on top of that I had company(ugh) and now I'm watching the ice skating and gymnastics spectacular with Shawn Johnson. LOVE HER! :) Who thinks Ashley Jurgen's could totally make a bad ass gymnast? I do. Anyway, ignore me. Haha. Lyrics by Staind.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Eight.**

_'I cannot forget, I live with regret.'_

The song lyrics ran through Ashley Jurgen's head as she sat in her bedroom, the soft male voice coming from the speakers of her cd player. Her head lay against a pillow, eyes cast to the ceiling. As much as she wanted to believe Kathleen wouldn't tell about her small break down, or that Adrianne would keep her mouth shut, she couldn't. Because on many levels, Ashley didn't _want_ to believe it, because if she did then that would mean she's getting her hopes up for something that could or could not happen.

A soft knock on her door makes her head snap up and her body tense quickly. She musters a small, 'come in,' her eyes darted at the wall, her back toward whoever it is that was walking through her door. The voice that entered though, made her want to scream and yell for days, for it's the one voice she hoped it wouldn't be.

Ricky Underwood.

--

"Whatever Adrianne told you was a lie." She hissed, shooting daggers at him. "How'd you even get in here anyway?"

Ricky sighed, knowing this wouldn't be easy, and shrugged his shoulders. The young, raven haired girl stood to her feet and stomped toward him, cornering him against a wall.

"Did my father do something to you?" He asked plainly, his voice low. He avoids her question, not really caring to give an answer. He wants to know one thing, and one thing only. He knew that with all the anger and hurt coming from a girl so young, the sister of the girl who he'd gotten pregnant, that she definitely wasn't lying. That, and he knew from personal experience-that if he did it to him, he could do it to anyone.

She sucked in a breath, and shook her head violently, before raising her hand and slapping him hard across the face. When she drew her hand back, she stared down at it in shock, and then up at the smirking boy, who had a red hand print on his cheek. "I'll take that as a yes," He adds.

--

"You should go." Her voice is monotone, making him cringe. He knows the feeling.

"You have to tell someone. Does anyone beside Adrianne and I know?" He asks, his voice gentle and concerned. It threw Ashley into a state of shock, and not just because this was Ricky Underwood- but because this was a guy who normally didn't give three shits about anyone else on the face of the planet. I mean, he slept with her sister for heaven sakes! And now she's carrying a child, _his_ child! But then again, as much as she didn't want to admit it, he probably knew her better then anyone at this moment in time.

She licks her lips, and chokes out a sad, "No." He nods, knowing how hard it can be to tell the people around you why you're hurting. With a hand on the door knob, he twists it open, gives her one last goodbye- and leaves. When he's finally gone, the door shuts behind her and she collapses to her knees, sobbing quietly.

Nothing's right anymore. Not that it ever was.

--

Sunday morning follows the long night that has accompanied her, and when Ashley Jurgen's walks down the steps of her suburban home, she finds her entire family there. Her mother, making breakfast, her father, drinking coffee, and her older sister Amy, just sitting at the table nonchalantly rubbing her stomach. Biting down on her lip, Ashley heads in- seeing three heads turn toward her.

"So, what'd Ricky want last night?" Amy asked curiously. Ashley swallows the lump in her throat as she replies, her words coming out nothing more then a stutter.

"J-Just to-to talk." She curses silently in her head again and clutches her fists together as her family eyes her suspiciously.

"He didn't have sex with you too, right?" George snapped up, earning an angry glare from Anne, and a hurt glance from Amy. George apologizes to his daughter, but turns his attention right back at Ashley. It'd be so easy for her to say, 'yes' just so she wouldn't have to tell the truth- but she can't even manage to say that, so she shakes her head no, and takes a seat beside her sister.

"Dad and I are going over to Ben's later today, did you wanna come? Henry might be there." Amy suggested, giving her little sister a smile. Ashley shrugs, thinks for a second, and then shakes her head no again. No words will come out of her mouth. She has the feeling of it being glued together again.

Amy nods and glances over at her father who motions that they were ready to leave. Once they've left the house, Ashley realizes one thing. She's going to be stuck here all day, with her mother.

She should have gone with Amy.

--

"Want anything to eat?" Her mother's voice says, ringing through her ears. She stares at her blankly for a second and squeaks out a small no. Her mother sighs sadly, and walks toward her, taking a seat beside her in the now empty chair. A hand rests on Ashley's shoulder, making her cringe. She hates herself for doing so, because it only earns a confused glance from her mother, and another speech.

"Ashley, what's going on?" No more beating around the bush, Anne is done with all of that. She wants an answer from her distant daughter, and she wants one now.

"Nothing." She snaps quickly, her voice full of nerves. Anne groans in frustration, shaking her head.

"Don't tell me it's nothing, _something_ is going on and I want to know what it is." She hissed sharply, her tone stern and demanding. Ashley bites down hard on her lip, and she has to blink back tears as she looks the other way.

"What if I don't wanna tell you?" She hisses, after she's composed herself. Anne stares at her, surprised at the anger emitting from her daughter's mouth. She'd never seen or heard Ashley this angry in her entire life. What could possibly so bad?

"Please." Anne whispers, her voice shaking. "Just _talk_ to me."

Standing to her feet, Ashley rips her mother's hand off her shoulder. "No!" She shouts, before stomping up the stairs. "And from now on, stay out of my life!"

Defeated, Anne sucks in a sharp breath and buries her head into her face, crying silently. All she wants is her daughter back.

--

With her door slammed shut, Ashley instantly buries herself into the black abyss she calls her bed, and lets sleep overtake her. She'd never felt so tired before, and if she has-she can't remember it. She's hoping that maybe, if she sleeps long enough this will all go away.

Just maybe...


	9. Gone

**Note: I'm turning 17 this saturday! Whoot whoot. This may or may not be my last update until then, depending on school. So for now, enjoy. **

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Nine.**

She was fuming. With hands balled into fists, she stomped down the halls. As the blond watched from the corner of her eye, she desperately prayed that the young girl wouldn't do anything to herself, or someone else. She'd never seen anyone as angry as Ashley Jurgen's in her entire life. Hell, this girl was practically foaming at the mouth.

Sucking in a sharp breath, she saw her approach the Latina girl, grabbing her harshly by the wrist and slamming her against the locker. Her voice is low as wandering eyes advert their attention to the loud noise. "I can't _believe_ you told him." She snapped, her eyes boring holes into the older girl's.

"It was something that needed to be done." The other one quipped, ripping her arm from the grasp. She wouldn't ever admit it, but the raven haired woman had a strong fucking grip. Ashley scoffed harshly, rolling her eyes as she bit down hard on her tongue to keep from spewing out the words she so badly wanted to.

When she'd managed to compose herself, she spoke again- her tone much calmer then before. "What if he tells my family? What if he tells my _sister_?" She whispers, her voice cracking. The eyes continued to watch until the bell rang, signaling for classes to begin. While the halls cleared out, the two remained in their positions- Adrianne against her locker, Ashley in front of her, daring the other girl to walk away.

The blond continued to watch silently, degrading herself for ever promising the girl such a thing. She should have gotten her parents involved before _this_ happened. But she kept her mouth closed, and landed herself in this position.

--

Her voice was horse by the time everyone had disappeared. The two remained the same, eyes boring into each other before the young girl broke down, body shaking violently, and tears dripping from her eyes. The Latina girl gawked, watching as Ashley disappeared swiftly down the hall. She actually had to blink a few times to make sure their encounter happened, and was not just a dream.

And it sure as hell wasn't. Although she wished it could have been.

--

She found herself in the same place as she had been in the other day, with the same woman standing in front of her. But there was a small difference to this, this time- Ashley Jurgen's didn't push her away.

--

"Wanna talk about it?" She asks, once the girl had calmed down again. She sniffles, sighs sadly, and looks away.

"Not really." She quips. "Not if you're going to tell." The blond nods, and speaks up quickly, her voice portraying the most honesty a person could ever have or use.

"I won't."

--

"I'm surprised you haven't heard by now- hell, I'm surprised half the _school_ hasn't heard." She managed, laughing sadly. The blond chuckled, knowing it was the truth. Grant High was always full of rumors. She was surprised this young girl, the girl of the sister who was having a baby, the girl of the father who she'd once been with, had not already broken down. But yet, maybe she had- and just wasn't aware.

Maybe this was more then just on the surface.

--

She can't get the words to form as she stares down at her hands. She's about to say something when a familiar voice echoes inside the room. Her head snaps up immediately, revealing Grace Bowman. Lovely.

"Oh, I'm sorry- I didn't know my mother had someone in here. I'll come back later." She adds slowly, giving the small girl a smile, before disappearing. Ashley bites down hard on her lip as she runs a hand through her hair, black streaks of makeup creating imperfect lines down her face.

This day just keeps getting better and better...

--

"Amy!" The brunette whips around quickly, to find the one person she least expected to see. Grace.

"Yeah?" She asks, her small voice ringing through the blond's ears as she watches her shift from foot to foot, books in hand, and bag on the other. Her stomach is growing continuously, and it's hard for Grace to believe that Amy's really, _really_ pregnant.

"I-I need to talk to you." She stumbles, shaking herself from her thoughts. Amy's eyes jump, and her brow knits in confusion.

"Okay..." She says, her voice trailing off as she nods with her head to walk away from the crowds of students. It's the end of the day, and there is a immense amount of students attempting to make their way out the double doors to freedom. Once out of the way, Grace begins again.

"It's about your sister." She adds quietly.

"My sister? Ashley?" She asks, growing more confused by the second. Amy sucks in a breath, growing nervous.

"Yeah, look do you know why she was talking to my mother?" The young blond shoots, gathering a surprised look from the brunette.

"Your mother?" She spits out, incredulously. She shakes her head absentmindedly, and runs a hand through her hair.

"I take it you don't..."

--

The first thing the brunette manages to say when she enters her younger sibling's room, is the one thing she never wanted too. "Grace says she saw you in Kathleen Bowman's office. You know, dad's ex wife?" Ashley groans in frustration and rolls her eyes. Her sister can be such an idiot sometimes.

"Yes Amy, I know who she is." Ashley adds, a dull and sarcastic tone to her voice. Nothing short of normal.

"Why were you with her?" She snaps accusingly, "Were you talking to her about me?"

"No! As much as you'd probably like me too, I wasn't. Sorry to inform you, but not everything in this house is about you." She hissed, her voice harsh and angry. Amy slinked back immediately, knowing just how aggressive Ashley could get. But this was one side, that shocked her most. Ashley had never been this harsh to her, ever.

"I...I j-just." She stopped, blinking back tears. Her emotions were getting the best of her, another great perk to pregnancy.

"You what?" She croaked, her voice tired but still full of anger.

"N-Nothing."

"Yeah, I thought so."

--

She bit down hard on her lip as she listened intently to the music blaring in her ears. One song after the next kept her I POD screen lit up, making it hard for her to focus on sleep. As the door opened to her room, she'd just drifted off- only to find herself an yet another nightmare, the same events replaying in her head like a VCR.

A hand hit her shoulder and she had to fight to hold back a scream as she snapped up into a sitting position and whipped her head around so hard she might've gotten whiplash. But she was to scared to notice. Her mother stood in front of her, a worried expression set on her face as she watched her daughter try and control her breathing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She replied, chuckling softly. Ashley nodded, remaining silent.

"W-Why are you here?" She stammered, her voice almost nonexistent now.

"Just wanted to tell you dinner's ready. Are you sick? You sound like you're loosing your voice."

"I don't know." She lied, fighting to roll her eyes as her mother's hand made it's way to her forehead, checking for a temperature. She was surprised when the red head nodded, and told her she was warm.

"If you're not better by morning, stay home. But right now you need to come eat please."

"I--I'm not hungry." She managed, feeling her eyes beginning to droop again.

The red head noticed this almost immediately and nodded, turning and walking from the room right as Ashley's head dropped to the pillow and her eyes finally closed again, the music continuing to blare in her ears. Hopefully, this time she can get _some_ form of rest.

But with everything going on, she doubted it.


	10. Hope fades

**Note: Sorry for the delay, so much has gone on. I turned 17 on the 7th(ha), and then this whole week I've had tests. Plus, I have more tomorrow. And, I would've updated last night, but our power went out and well, the rest is a long story. Hah. Reviews make me happy.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Ten.**

As her eyes adjust to the sunlight the next morning, Ashley Jurgen's has to fight to sit up. Her body aches, and her voice due to the screaming, has become almost non existent. She bites down hard on her lip as she runs a hand through tousled hair and shuffles down the hall to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she starts the shower and steps in. The bruises have long since faded, but the wounds still remain deep inside, and no matter how hard she tries to wash them away, they will never truly be gone.

A voice calling her from outside drags her from her thoughts. Her mother.

"Ashley, hurry up! You're going to be late."

It was nothing new for her though. Hitting the knob, she wrapped a towel tightly around her body and slid back into her room to get ready for the day. Hopefully it will be better then the last.

--

"About time you got down here, c'mon- grab something quick to eat and lets go." She nods absentmindedly, and grabs a banana off the counter, following behind her mother and sister. She knows she won't eat it, but decides she should at least hold on to it until she gets to school, to give her mother the idea that she will.

Whatever makes everyone else happy, right?

--

She can barely make it through the hall without having to clutch to the lockers every five seconds. The Latina girl walks up to her but Ashley doesn't acknowledge it. She's too busy trying to make it through the day without another breakdown. Making it to the bathroom, she collapses to her knees, her face hitting the cold tile. It feels good against burning skin, and she's having second thoughts on not eating that banana for breakfast.

The door swings open and she sits up slowly and weakly, to find Kathleen staring down at her. She stares for a few seconds, blankly, and then reaches down to help the young girl up. Graciously taking the woman's hand, Ashley stood on shaky legs as they made their way into the now seemingly empty hallway. She was so out of it, she hadn't even realized the bell for first period had rung.

"How are you doing today?" Ashley shrugs as they disappear into Kathleen's office, the repetition of this coming down on their heads like Deja-vu.

"Is there anything you'd like me to do for you?" Wiping at red eyes, Ashley shakes her head no. She wanted nothing more then to go home and sleep for the rest of her life right now, but she knew she couldn't do that without being grilled by her parents, and that was one thing she was not about to deal with.

"Would you like to talk about what's going on? Like I said the other day, your secret's safe with me." Her voice sounded so gentle, so comforting and understanding-something no one in her family could provide for her. Her heart ached as she found the words slipping past her tongue and falling from her mouth before she had a chance to catch them.

"I was taken from my house the other night." With surprised eyes, Kathleen nodded, urging the young girl to continue. She literally sat at the edge of her seat as her hands gripped the arms of her chair. "I-I only remember waking up in a field with my comforter around me and being in so much pain and not knowing why. I kept thinking I had to get home somehow, before m-my parents found me gone. And so I-I got u-up and started walking.." She paused, a lump growing in her throat as she blinked back tears and hid her face with her hair. She was so ashamed to be telling this to someone. Someone she barely knew, someone who used to be married to her _father_.

Taking in a deep breath, she rang her hands together in a fit of nerves, continuing, but much softer-her voice only able to be so loud. "A-A car pulled up beside me, and a guy got out and pulled me in. I didn't really see his face at first, and I thought he was just a random stranger, until he spoke. Hi-His voice...I knew his voice. It was Ricky's dad. And he was..._so_ angry and _so_..." She pauses, her voice trailing off as she tries to find a the right word to use. "Hateful. H-He told me I wasn't allowed to tell anyone or he'd come after me again, and then h-he started to kiss me and.." She paused again, her voice breaking as her face scrunched up and tears fell.

She shook her head as the hysterics hit. Her body shook as she tried desperately to compose herself and continue. It took her a while, but after a box of tissues, and a few more deep breaths, she was able to get the last few words out. "H-He raped me...and then left me on the side of the road. I-I walked ho-home, and I..I haven't..." She stops, running a sweaty hand through her hair.

"Adrianne's the only one who knows." She adds sadly, licking her lips. It takes a minute for the blond to process everything, and once she has she realizes she's at a loss for words. She stares at the young girl, wondering just how she can possibly go through all this, especially without her family's knowledge. Kathleen's sure the young girl is done, until she croaks out a few more words with hot, salty tears rolling down her cheeks. "Please don't tell."

--

The cool breeze hits Ashley Jurgen's face as she sits on the picnic table beside Kathleen, both staring silently at the world in front of them. While everyone else is in class, they sit here. The craziness that seems to sneak up at every corners has managed to hide away for a little while, and they both silently wish it could be like this forever.

Kathleen had yet to say anything to the poor girl, but she knows from somewhere inside of her, that the young girl doesn't care. Maybe the trick to consoling someone, is just to not say anything at all.

--

As Amy Jurgen's heads down the now crowded hallway, she finds a hand on her forearm, and before she knows it, is dragged away from the rest of Grant High. When she's able to stop and take a look at who it was that grabbed her, she has to keep her mouth from dropping open.

"Adrianne? Uhm...did I do something?" She adds nervously, her heart speeding up just a little.

"No. This isn't about you, or what you didn't do. This is about Ashley." Amy stares at her, confused- like the same expression she'd had given Grace the other day.

"What about Ashley? Oh no, don't tell me you're in on this too..." Her voice trails off unhappily as Adrianne puts her hand up, stopping the brunette from saying anything more.

"I have not idea _what_ you're talking about, but all I have to say is that you need to talk to her. I mean, _really_ talk to her- because she's going through a lot, and she could really use you, whether she wants you to be there or not."

--

The two Jurgen's girls sit quietly at the dining room table, Amy, eating and glancing at Ashley, who is staring down at her plate intently. Her mother and father's eyes shift between the two, both knowing something's going on. "So, how was everyone's day?" Her mother snaps, breaking the two out of their trances and adverting their eyes to the red head.

Amy glances over at Ashley immediately, where they lock eyes. "I don't know, why don't you ask Ashley." She hissed low, daring her sister to speak up. Ashley does, with little voice she has left.

"What are you talking about?" She murmurs tiredly, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"Adrianne. Grace." Ashley instantly tenses up as Amy speaks the two names, her voice still bitter.

"What about them?" Ashley snaps, her patience wearing thin. Anne glances at George in confusion, then they turn their attention back to the arguing daughters.

"They both told me-" Ashley stopped her immediately, her voice harsh.

"Told you what, exactly?" Amy stops, glances at her parents, who are pleading to continue, and then shakes her head. Ashley quickly repeats her question, daring her sister to say what she was originally going to.

"Well, I don't know okay! Adrianne told me to watch out for you, and to look after you because you apparently need me or whatever, and Grace told me you were talking to her mother! About what Ashley? About me? About this family!"

A silence fills the room as Amy tries to control her breathing. She has never yelled at her sister like that, ever- and Ashley has to almost bite through her tongue in order to keep from freaking out on her. Sucking in a breath, Ashley shouts back- anger seeping through every pore and being in her body.

"Shut up! I thought I told you the other night that it wasn't about you! And so what if it was about this family, so what if it wasn't, it's not like no one knows! I mean, hello-the whole _world_ knows! And If I wanted your help, or needed you to look after me, I'd tell you- but did I ask? NO! So stay out of it! And FYI- Adrianne and Grace know nothing! They're both two completely, self absorbed people who are trying to get with the father of your child! So if you're going to listen to anyone, it shouldn't be them!"

Her fist hits the table, making the plates shake as she pushes back her chair and rushes up the stairs for her room. Amy sits numbly, while her mother calls for her to come back down. George glances uncomfortably around the room, confusion striking everyone.

After a few moments, and a slam of a door, he speaks up.

"Amy," He replies calmly. "Would you like to tell us what's going on?"


	11. Love

**Note: So, it would be totally rad if my old readers reviewed more. Just so I know you're all still here. But, happy valentine's day to those who are or are not doing something special with the one they love! I know I am. :) I love you Britt. Song belongs to Kelly Clarkson.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Eleven.**

It's around midnight when the youngest Jurgen's girl heads back downstairs. With red, tired eyes she shuffles into the kitchen. Running a hand through her jet black hair, she jumps back at the sight of her mother. She's sitting in front of Ashley, sipping on what seems like a mug of tea.

She bites down hard on her lip as she walks in a little further to the kitchen. Her mother has yet to say anything, which in a way, Ashley Jurgen's is very grateful for. She passes her quietly, grabbing a cup of her own from the cabinet before she fills it with water and joins the red head at the table, sitting directly across from her.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, tone soft and motherly. Shrugging, Ashley sighs and glances down into her cup. Anne stares at her for a few seconds, waiting on her daughter to say something. When she realizes the young girl's gone mute, she speaks again.

"You know, your sister never told us what's going on with you, but I'm beginning to think she should have." The words that fell from the red head's mouth causes Ashley to bite harder on her lip, blinking back tears. "Please Ashley," She mumbles tiredly, voice growing raspy. "Talk to me."

Tears are trickling down both of their faces now, but Ashley does a good job at hiding it. Pushing back the chair, Anne ignores the screeching noise and stands up, ready to walk away when her daughter finally opens her mouth.

"Wait." She whispers, her voice barely audible. "I..." She pauses, sucking in a shaky breath. Anne turns sharply and expectantly, her eyes pleading with her daughter to let her in.

"Yes?" She asks patiently, her voice concerned and full of the worry that filled her insides.

"I...I wanna talk..."

--

It takes her more then twenty minutes to find her words and her voice again, but as she does, her heart sinks in her chest. What she's about to tell her mother, is rough- she knows that, and as much as she'd like to spare the immense amount of pain that's to come, she can't.

She takes in a deep breath and looks away, refusing to meet her mother's eyes. She can't. It hurts too much. "I...The other night..." The door flies open before she can continue and in walks her father, groggy and confused.

Both of the woman's heads turn, and Ashley instantly stops, tensing up. Without warning, she stands to her feet and heads upstairs, leaving the two adults alone. Anne groans in frustration and anger and slams her fist down on the table, ignoring her soon-to-be ex husband as he jumps from surprise.

He sighs unhappily as he walks toward her, watching as she rests her head in her hands and tries not to cry again. But she can't help it, and he knows this. Her shoulders shake as he rests comforting hands on them. He's standing behind her, rubbing her shoulders and trying to ease the tension. They may not be getting back together, but they did sort of work things out.

"Aw Anne, don't cry. She'll come around- she's just...well, she's Ashley." He adds, a dry sense of humor to his voice as he chuckles lightly. He walks around to which he's now standing in front of her and watches as she looks up at him with wet eyes.

"She was so close to talking to me George," She mumbled sadly. "And then you came in." She hissed. Her tone went from sad to bitter quick, and George had to admit he was a little taken back.

"Hey," He snapped, his hands instantly thrown up in defense mode. "Don't blame me."

She sighed, and nodded. "You're right," She cooed. "It's not your fault. It's mine..."

Upon hearing these words, George arched an eyebrow and took the seat where his daughter had been sitting, waiting on Anne to continue, just like she'd done with Ashley a few moments ago. "If I'd stopped pushing her to talk then maybe..." She pauses, voice cracking, and George has come to the conclusion he's heard enough.

"Anne listen to me, alright?" He stops, waiting until she's finally looking at him again. "This, is not your fault in any way. You need to stop blaming yourself for something you cannot control and just deal with the fact that Ashley doesn't and probably will not talk until she's ready. And regardless of me coming in, do you really think she'd have gone through with it? I mean c'mon, it's Ashley." He added knowingly. He waited, listening to his wife's shaky breathing and watched as the light shone in from the window, hitting her directly.

He may not have took the time to notice before, but now that he did he realized just how beautiful his wife was, and how much he'd be giving up if he left her. And before he could even blink or she could even open her mouth to protest, he had leaned forward and captured her lips with his in a breath-taking kiss, one only to be described as something they'd experienced in the early stages of their marriage. When they pulled apart, Anne stared at him blankly, contemplating for awhile just what had happened.

When she'd managed to wrap her head around it, she stood up, and George was sure she'd walk away, but then when she reached out to pull him to his feet as well, he filled with confusion. He was going to ask what she was doing until he noticed where she was taking him.

In silence, they continued their journey until they'd ended up back in the garage, the place they'd previously shared together just a few nights ago. And now, it was happening all over again. He would ask her if this was right, if she was sure about this, but he knew he wouldn't get an answer. So he waited until they'd connected again, mouth on mouth, body to body.

With quickly shed clothes they fell backwards, him- pulling her down on top, the cool bed sheets hitting his bare back as they slid underneath them. As hands tangled in hair, and moans escaped from behind their tongues, the one lyric of a song rang through his head, making it him him full force and confront the one thing he's wanted to hide away from for so long. He was still in love with her.

_'You've got a piece of me, and honestly- my life would suck without you.'_


	12. Space between

**Note: So much has been happening lately I can barely keep up. It might take awhile for me to get the next chapter uploaded, but lots of drama is to come! So review and tell me what you think.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Twelve.**

She can't keep her head straight. Everything's happening so fast. He's ripping her clothes off, arms pinned above her head as she screams out. Tears roll down her cheeks, and her eyes grow wide. Before she knows it, she's awake.

Sitting up in bed, beads of sweat roll down her face as the door to her bedroom bursts open. She hardly acknowledges it as she glances around, trying to get her surroundings back in tact. She sucks in a deep breath as a hand grasps at her arm. She whips her head around, finding her mother there in a state of confusion.

The red head slides beside her daughter, pulling her tightly to her body as tears roll down the raven haired girl's face. She bites down hard on her lip, her body shaking. Anne has never seen her daughter this emotional.

"Shh, it's okay. It was just a bad dream." Licking her lips, Ashley buries her face deeper into the nook of her mother's neck, afraid what would happen if they part. Anne rubs her daughter's back soothingly until she's managed to calm herself down. Sniffling, Ashley pulls away, voice raw, and speaks.

"What if it wasn't just a dream." She whispers. Her mother's brow arches from confusion. "What if it was more then that? What if it was real life?"

Anne sighs unhappily, running a smooth hand down her daughter's cheek. Ashley shudders from the contact and snaps her head in the other direction. "Was it? Was it more then just a dream Ashley?"

--

The next morning, she doesn't move. Her mother doesn't wake her, and she's glad. She managed to squeak out a small 'yes,' after her mother asked if her nightmare was more then just what it seemed. She licks her lips as her eyes flutter open. She's weak and is lacking largely in energy.

Her body and mind ache. Voices are talking from downstairs, leading up to her room. She lets her eyes close again, pulling herself into a peaceful sleep.

--

She groans from the faint beeping sound. Her phone is going off. She lets her eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light as she reaches aimlessly and looks at it. A text, from Adrianne. Lovely.

_We need to talk._

Sighing in annoyance and frustration, she types back furiously.

_About?_

It doesn't take long for a reply to surface.

_Just meet me at the park and i'll tell you!_

Sitting up, she drops her phone into the blank abyss of bed sheets. Throwing on a pair of shoes, she heads towards her window, climbing out carefully and making her way to one of the places she dreaded most.

--

"What is possibly so important you couldn't tell me over a freaking text message?" The raven haired girl hisses, joining the Latina girl and sitting down on a swing. Adrianne sighs unhappily, and Ashley notes this is serious.

"Ricky's thinking about telling Amy what happened with you and his dad."

The words echo through her ears, but she doesn't _really_ hear them until a few minutes later, and her face falls immediately. A soft, 'jesus christ,' slips from her lips as Adrianne waits for any form of outburst from the young girl.

Nothing happens.

She clutches her fists together as she stands to her feet and stuffs her hands into the pockets of her pajama pants. Back turned to the Latina girl, she casts her eyes toward the blue sky.

"Maybe it's best." She mutters, voice shaky.

"Look, I'm not one for a sentimental moment or anything, but I think you should _seriously_ talk to your parents now. It'd be best if it came from you instead of someone else."

Turning slowly, Ashley's eyes bore into Adrianne's.

"You're right." She chokes out, a sad laugh filling the air. "You've been right all along, I just haven't been able to...I...I haven't _wanted_ to deal with it."

"Well, unfortunately, you're going to have to." She states truthfully, walking with caution toward the dark haired girl.

"I know." She snaps, "I know."


	13. Disaster

**Note: Thank you for all the reviews you've been sending me, however this story is unfortunately close to being done. A few more chapters, then maybe a sequel, possibly? I'm thinking of just focusing on one story at a time from now on, which at this moment is my Anne story, 'You and me.' It's got a lot of Amy and Ashley coming up in later chapters, so keep watching. And review, and tell me what you think! :)**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Thirteen.**

Licking her lips, Ashley made her way into her house reluctant and fearful. As she closed her front door, she could see from the corner of her eye, her mother sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on what she expected to be a cup of coffee. Heading in slowly, she gave the red head a weak smile and sat down across from her.

"Hi." She muttered softly. Anne nods, running a hand through her hair.

"Hi." She adds, staring with hope at her daughter. All Anne wanted was for her to say one thing, something to let her know she would be alright.

Glancing down at her hands, Ashley let out a breath. She knew she'd have to tell her sooner or later, but she'd preferred it be later. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked back up, locking eyes with the woman across from her.

"I think there's something you should know...but uh, Amy and dad...they need to be here too." With a nod, Anne let out a sigh of relief. Finally, she would get an answer. However, what she didn't know was that it would not be of one she liked.

--

She glanced around the room, all three sets of eyes wide and expectant. Ashley bit down hard on her lip, her chest heaving as she wringed her hands together. She could practically hear her heart pounding it was beating so hard, and she was terrified that at any moment it could jump out of her chest.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she opened her mouth and spoke lowly, her voice raspy and cracking. "A-Ab-About a month ago, some-something happened." She paused, squeezing her hands to the point they were literally turning white. Anne waited patiently, her expression worryful as she glanced back and forth between her eldest daughter, her youngest, and her soon-to-be ex husband who also had the same expression on his face.

Absentmindedly she grabbed his hand, eyes quickly adverting to it. Looking back up, she locked eyes with George, cheeks reddening immediately before pulling it away. Right as she'd turned her attention back to Ashley, she spoke again.

"I...Uhm," She sniffled, eyes filling with tears. Blinking them back, she stood up, shaking her head. "I can't. I can't." Before a response could be made, she ran from the room, heading up the stairs. The only sound left now, was the sound of a distant door slam and the unsteady breathing of those around.

--

She can't remember when she stopped crying, or if she did. All she knows is how exhausted and thirsty she is. Pushing herself weakly to her feet, she trudged miserably down the hall, entering the kitchen only to jump back with a start. Her mother sat at the table again, same position as before, staring right back at the raven haired girl.

"Wh-What are you doing down here?" She stuttered, surprised. Anne spat out a sad laugh, shrugging her shoulders.

"I couldn't sleep. You?"

Pointing toward the cabinet, she muttered a small 'thirsty,' and made her way past her mother. Grabbing a cup, she filled it with water, took a long sip, and then made her way to a chair. Staring absentmindedly at the wall, she spoke, without really realizing she was but somehow, it's what she couldn't say before, and what she's wanted to all along.

"I was...taken, from my room the other night." Her voice is foggy with fresh tears, tears she was sure she'd lost. Anne let out a feared gasp, fully intent on what her daughter had to say. "I-I was asleep, when he took me. He-He dropped me in a feild somewhere, and I guess, took off. I...I woke up, and all I remembered thinking was having to get home...bef-before you or dad woke up. So I started walking, and...a-a car pu-pulled up an-and pulled me inside."

She took in a deep breath, voice cracking as she continued to stare at the wall. She refused to glance at her mother, even for a second as more words passed her lips. "I-I didn't realize wh-who it was at first, until I saw his face..an-and it-it was _him._" She could feel her anger boiling inside of her, hot tears slipping down her cheeks. Anne spoke up slowly, voice quivering as her own tears rolled down her face.

"Who, Ashley?"

"B-Bob..Bob Underwood." Anne let her eyes close, a hand flying to her mouth as a sob escaped. How could her daughter go through something this traumatic and not tell her?

"H-He-He..." She paused, stomach turning. Pushing back bile, she struggled to throw out the last few words before pushing herself to her feet and rushing toward the bathroom. "He r-raped me."

--

She'd never been in so much pain in her life, so emotionally and physically drained. After spending the last two hours in a combination of puking and sobbing, she collapsed to the bathroom floor, laying on the cold tile as darkness welcomed her. Anne pulled her daughter's head into her lap, stroking her hair as she cried silently.

She knew, she _knew_ it was bad, she just...hoped it wasn't to this degree.

--

Covering her daughter with blankets, she slid in beside her, arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. As her daughter snuggled in, Anne could feel the exhaustion of the days events coming down with her.

Now, she just had to tell George and Amy.


	14. Breathe Honesty

**Note: I'd make this story longer, but I've lost where I'm going with it- I know, that happens a lot and I'm terribly sorry, so this is unfortunately the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who read and review, and make sure to read my other TSLOTAT story, 'You and me.' It doesn't just focus on Anne, Ashley and Amy are going to be in it a lot too. Ha.**

**Rating; T-M.**

**Title; Breathe Honesty.**

**Final Chapter.**

Things had settled down at the Jurgen's house. Once the news was out, there was no doubt George wanted to kill Bob, and there wasn't a doubt that even _Ricky_ didn't want to kill him, but after some talking down, they came to their senses.

Running a hand through her hair, Ashley Jurgen's sat on the steps of her front porch. So much has happened lately, so much she was too young to understand, let alone _want_ to understand. And then, there's just so much more she couldn't.

Licking her lips, she stared out deeply, eyes pouring with tears as her body shook. She didn't want to feel like this, but she couldn't help it. Her heart ached, despite everyone finally knowing. I think that was the worst part for this young girl. The fact that _everyone_ knows, and no longer sees her as Ashley Jurgen's, the girl with the pregnant sister, but Ashley Jurgen's, the girl with the pregnant sister, who's baby daddy's father, raped her.

A door opening and closing brought her from her thoughts, but she didn't turn around. She just didn't have the energy. As an arm draped around her shoulder, she watched her dad sit down from the corner of her eye. "How you doin' kiddo?"

She shrugs, pushing her bangs away from her face as she wiped furiously at her eyes. She hated this. She hated being so weak, she thought it was purely disgusting. Her father sighed sadly, kissing the side of her head. She grimaced, but placed on a slight smile anyway. It was the least she could do.

Giving her shoulder a light squeeze, he said nothing as he stood to his feet, leaving the young girl to herself and heading inside. Brushing off her jeans, she stood and headed back inside her house. I guess for now, she'd just have to learn to deal.

--

The school hallways were crowded as usual, but what stood out to Ashley was all of them pointing and staring at her, whispering blatantly in front of her face. She felt her stomach lurch as she swallowed the lump in her throat and pushes past them, head down with her sister clutched to her arm. Leaning over, Ashley whispers something into the brunette's air.

"I'm going to talk to Kathleen. I think I should thank her, ya' know?"

Giving her a nod of approval, Amy lets go of Ashley's arm, and watches as she disappear into the sea of grant high students. Well, this should be interesting.

--

"I should've said it before, but with everything going on-" She stops as the blond puts up a hand, shaking her head.

"It's not needed. I understand completely."

--

Her mother and her are standing face-to-face in the kitchen with no words said. Everything comes from their body language as the red head scoots closer, pulling her young daughter into a hug, and holding her as her body shakes and her bottom lip quivers with hot tears that won't fall.

"Bad day?" She nods, silent.

Anne sucks in a breath, as one thought enters her heads.

Fucking teenagers.

--

Adrianne Lee had never expected to show up at the Jurgen's house, yet here she was, in clad pajamas, at around 7 at night. Her heart is lodged in her throat, and she's wringing her hands together in a nervous fashion, listening as the trudging of footsteps grow closer.

The door flies open, she breathes a sigh of relief as it's the one she wants to see. As the young Jurgen's girl scratches her head in confusion, she opens the door wider and watches as Adrianne steps inside, muttering a small thank you.

"I know it's kind of weird, me just showing up here and all, but I uh...wanted to see how you were. I know with school and everything, it must've been hard." Her voice portrays honesty that Ashley never would've expected to come from her. She sighs sadly, and gives off a small but sincere smile.

"Thanks." She whispers, voice raspy. "I...I'm okay."

"Okay well uh, I'm here...If you need me. I'm here, if you don't."

She nods, watching as the Latina girl turns to leave. Muttering a small 'goodbye,' she slips out of the door as Ashley closes it behind her, leaning against it, and biting down hard on her lip.

As awkward as that was, she couldn't help but feel some comfort in all of that.

Somewhere.

--

She didn't expect for everything to go back to normal. She wasn't asking for it too, and she knew no matter what happened that it wouldn't. Laying in bed, she let the darkness succumb her with one last thought in her head.

_It's better now that you can see, you breathe honesty._

**End.**


	15. Thanks!

**Note: So it's over. I hope you all enjoyed the story. I know the end might not make much sense, but it's basically about Ashley letting everything out in the open. Breathing Honesty, and with her, everyone else does the same. Adrianne, George, Ricky, Amy, Anne- and so on. Although it may not portray all of that, i just felt this was needed to let everyone know and understand the last chapter better. Also, it doesn't show Ashley telling her father or Amy for many reasons, one of them being I'd have no idea how to act it out, and have their reactions, unlike Anne who's just naturally hysterical. Ha. Anyway, like I said, thank you for reading and reviewing and make sure to check out my other TSLOTAT story, 'You and me.'**


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